The Personalist Project

Comments (6)

Katie van Schaijik

#1, Feb 15, 2012 8:31pm

A friend of mine tells a fun story about her father, now in his late 80's.  He was in seminary for a while, but left and experienced some doubts about his vocation.  He went to see Padre Pio, who assured him: "You are called to marriage."

10 years later he went back to the holy priest, and said, "Ten years ago you said I have a call to marriage, but I'm still not married."

Padre Pio took his hand, looked him in the eys, and said earnestly: "Corragio!"

He and his lovely wife have been married for more than forty years now. :)

Katie van Schaijik

#2, Feb 15, 2012 8:32pm

The daily-renewed self-surrender to God in prayer—offering Him all our loneliness and confusion and doubt— is a great and beautiful preparation for the self-surrender of marriage. 

Samantha

#3, Feb 18, 2012 4:20pm

My question is not about finding the right one, my question is: when do we know the one we love is "the one" for marriage? In a world of endless possibilities, why do we choose one person rather than another for marriage? I think that Western culture is a bit too idealistic when it comes to marriage... I almost think that Eastern arranged marriages are a viable alternative. What stake are we to place in our parent's evaluation of our mate? Should we seriously follow our mother's intiution in the matter?

Katie van Schaijik

#4, Feb 18, 2012 5:48pm

I can't agree that Eastern arranged marriages are a viable alternative.  I think they lack the fulness of the deeply Christian notion of personal vocation.  

They can lead to good marriages in cases where there are strongly delineated culturally-assigned roles and traditions in marriage.

As to your questions, I hope we'll at least come closer to answering them by the end of the course.

Samantha

#5, Feb 18, 2012 6:08pm

I understand your issues with the method. Rather than appraising a person (or having the potential spouses appraise each other) by, first and foremost, their personal characteristics that are not amountable to a "checklist," but discovered through courtship, arranged marraiges begin with an appraisal "from without," based upon the other's socio-cultural and material characteristics.

However,  I had a long conversation with a woman who had an arranged marriage, and everything she said about love sounded startlingly accurate, in line with nearly everything I learned in reseraching von Hildebrand and Scheler. It was a mature decision and commitment, and she "fell in love" after getting to know her spose for a while. She came to that vision you spoke of in your lecture. She didn't marry based upon a "feeling," but she came to love her spouse through a commitment to love him.

Katie van Schaijik

#6, Feb 20, 2012 11:48am

Samantha Schroeder, Feb. 18 at 6:08pm

However,  I had a long conversation with a woman who had an arranged marriage, and everything she said about love sounded startlingly accurate, in line with nearly everything I learned in reseraching von Hildebrand and Scheler. It was a mature decision and commitment, and she "fell in love" after getting to know her spose for a while. 

Lots of possible responses to this.  On the positive side, it's clearly true that love can develop even in a marriage that doesn't begin with it.  This is because, as Wojtyla says, the conjugal union is not just a consumation but a source of spousal love.  So, a couple who live their vows and serve each other faithfully can, over time, develop a deep spousal love and admiration for one another.

More negatively though, the fact that it sometimes develops doesn't mean that it will develop, much less that a society that has become profoundly conscious of the mystery of love in human life could return to a method of marriage-making that sets it aside.

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