Amazon.com Widgets

 

Tags:

Comments: 3

Katie van Schaijik

Husbands, love your wives

Apr. 18, 2010, at 1:37pm

Last night in the midst of an attack of insomnia, I read this beautiful and moving talk by John Barger, of Sophia Institute Press. Before he became a publisher, Dr. Barger earned a PhD in philosophy under Josef Seifert and John Crosby.

The talk is an exhortation growing out of personal experience—experience of his personal transformation as a man, a husband, and a father, and consequently of the transformation of his marriage.
It is full of deep insight and timeless wisdom.

But I wonder whether anyone will agree with me that it is also somewhat dated?
I mean, his description of the way Catholic husbands habitually view women, including their wives, strikes me as no longer true. It seems to me that “JP II husbands” are generally as different from the earlier generation of husbands as “JP II priests” are from an earlier generation of priests.

comments (3) closed

amator • Apr 19, 2010 - 1:37 am

It is dated. I think women these days are affected by feminism and so think they can wield the same authotiy as men. Men on the other hand seem to be weaker assuming less responsiblity and moral strength.

Katie van Schaijik • Apr 21, 2010 - 12:10 pm

I’m surprised by your response, amator.  Mine was nearly opposite.  What struck me is that whereas 20 years ago it was normal for even Catholic husbands to think it was right and proper that they domineer over their wives, the Catholic men of my generation—on the whole—think and act very differently as husbands.  They know that marriage is mutual self-giving and mutual deference, and that they are meant to be companions, not authority figures to their wives.
The “JP II husbands” I know inspire me all the time by the way they not only put in full days at work, but come home with the idea of relieving their wives of the burdens of housework and childcare.  They’re also much more sensitive to and supportive of the fact that their wives may have interests and talents beyond the domestic realm that ought to be developed…

Joan Drennen • May 5, 2010 - 11:54 pm

Thanks for linking this talk, Katie.
I know what you mean about its datedness, but overall, it contained valuable, honest testimony.
It is interesting to read about a marriage headed for divorce saved by a man who finally made himself present within his wife’s inner life. The two lives couldn’t merge before this.
Unable to spare her from her sufferings, by participating in them and accompanying her, he valued her, and everything changed.
I loved how he saw the connection between loving the feminine and loving God.
Feminism or not, I find liberty in owning and sharing my weaknesses as well as my strengths, and security in a man at home with both.

Reading circles

Lectures

Latest comments

  • Re: Two new items for my case against "unprincipled forgiveness"
  • By: Tim Cronin

  • Hi Katie, In John Milbank's "An Essay Against Secular Order" he talks about the reality of forgiveness. He says that without forgiveness being accepted and realized it does not have a true reality. Neither does forgiveness have a true reality if it is merely formal. Receiving forgiveness involves a complete realization of consciousness of egocentricity. This involves a suffering on the receipient of forgiveness. It also involves a suffering on the forgiver through the re-establishing of the bonds of the relationship. -Tim

    Jun. 13 at 3:11pm | See in context

  • Re: Mercies hurt
  • By: Samwise

  • The Eustace reference works well!

    I have heard Mark-- on the radio-- speak about Uncle Andrew too.  Together, Eustace and Uncle Andrew make for some of the most off-putting characters in Narnia, and can annoy readers to the point of wanting to imitate Edmund (of all people).

    On the radio, Mark pointed out the unrepentant nature of Uncle Andrew, exhorting listeners to  have "child-like faith' instead.  It was a good reminder that ingenuity and IQ are not all we're meant for.

    Jun. 12 at 11:42am | See in context

  • Re: The Least I Need to Do
  • By: CATHY ECHANIZ-BECK

  • Not in particular, Devra.  It's kind of fuzzy to me, too. :)  Just a general sense I had, of Ivan's feeling guilty and wanting to do better.  Ha!  I should re-read that one; it was good! 

    Jun. 11 at 11:55am | See in context

  • Re: The Least I Need to Do
  • By: Katie van Schaijik

  • I love the reminder that turning away from serious vice is "the beginning of freedom".

    The next big liberation, in my experience, is from illusions of rectitude and self-sufficiency. It's the willingness to face and absorb the truth about ourselves—especially our impotence to save ourselves, or even to live well.  

    It's painful, but definitely freeing.

    Jun. 11 at 11:53am | See in context

  • Re: The Least I Need to Do
  • By: Devra Torres

  • I'm not sure, but maybe.  Ivan Ilyich had his lists of "thou shalt not's," but they all had to do with what was and wasn't done in his social circle.   There's something like that in Anna Karenina, too, about how Vronsky stuck to his principles, which were "Never lie, except to a woman," and "Never fail to pay a debt, unless it's a gambling debt," and so on.  Crime and Punishment is pretty fuzzy in my mind, Cathy: is there some part in particular you're thinking of?

    Jun. 11 at 10:39am | See in context

  • Re: The Least I Need to Do
  • By: Marilyn Prever

  • Was it the one about the dying man who couldn't take the first step, which was to admit he was not a good man ad to ask for mercy.The Death of Ivan Ilyich or something like that?

    Jun. 11 at 9:01am | See in context

  • Re: The Least I Need to Do
  • By: CATHY ECHANIZ-BECK

  • Dev, 

    Were you thinking of Crime & Punishment by Tolstoy??

    Cathy 

    Jun. 11 at 8:26am | See in context

  • Re: Two new items for my case against "unprincipled forgiveness"
  • By: Katie van Schaijik

  • One of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies, On the Waterfront, is Terry and Edie's first date. Terry tells her his philosophy of life. It's every man for himself. Get the other guy before he gets you.

    She lives in a different world—a world where people are part of each other, where they care about each other, help each other, and call out the best in each other. She's asking for his help. He's drawn to her world, but finds her naive. He wants her to drop her pursuit of justice for her brother. Forget it. Move on. Enjoy life. Don't risk trouble.

    The conversation ends abruptly when he bursts out in frustration, "What do want from me, Edie?"  She replies, passionately: "Much more. Much, much, much more."

    Cardinal O'Brien sounds to me a lot like Terry. "I said I'm sorry. What more do you want?" The Vatican sound more like Evie. "Much much more."

    Much more from you and much more for you.

    Jun. 9 at 1:49pm | See in context

  • Re: It's Here!
  • By: Katie van Schaijik

  • Got it. Thanks, Devra!  Can't wait to read it.

    Jun. 7 at 8:42am | See in context

  • Re: Interview with Hannah Arendt
  • By: Katie van Schaijik

  • Rhett, I'm with you in lamenting that maddening gap between the depth and delicacy of the insight you think you have and the clunky unspecialness of what comes out when you try to put in it words.

    That's the negative experience of writing your thoughts. The positive experience is when you've struggled and struggled to say something, realized you're missing something key, and then suddenly seen what it is—something you wouldn't have seen if you hadn't made the effort to put it to paper, or screen.

    Jun. 6 at 9:44am | See in context

Latest active posts