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JenB

Joined: Aug. 22, 2013

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Re: Thoughts on modesty abroad, in three vignettes

Jun. 15 at 8:35pm | see this comment in context

FWIW, as a youth minister for 15 years, I always spoke to both the young ladies and the young men about their mutual responsibilities towards each other. I think my efforts were worthwhile, but even then I can see how I was shaming the girls. However, I definiately challenged the young men - even inner city kids-to look at the young women as sisters to be protected and cherished, not lusted after. And they would do it. 

Re: Thoughts on modesty abroad, in three vignettes

Jun. 15 at 8:32pm | see this comment in context

Hi Katie
Thank you so much for this article. I am a curvy normal woman who dresses in ways that I feel are pretty and feminine and in keeping with God's view of me-and yet I have been pulled aside and shamed by other women. 

I have been in ministry for many years and I am very concious of how I dress- and I hate how concious I am mainly because I find myself behaving in a manner that fits others' opinions. 

At the same time, I know what thoughts have gone through my mind when I look at other women in ministry. I find myself battling a question that sounds like this-are people more likely to listen to my message if I dress more dowdy and tone it down OR do I do them a service by dressing feminine with my hair done, make up and looking as great as I can? I tend towards the second mostly because I too, have long hated the modesty talks at youth conferences and youth ministry events. It would seem we do better to advertise the world the gorgeous creature that God made me to be.



Re: Dr. Allender on abuse and recovery

Aug. 23 at 2:13pm | see this comment in context

Yes, me too. I mean, that has really sunk into me since I watched the video yesterday. For instance-and there are many from many women-I was told my cleavage was a problem for "someone". I know what I look like. It has been a life long struggle with the "girls". I work very hard to be modest. I've been in Church ministry for 20 years. I get it. But at some point, I am not responsible for a man's lust. I am responsible to not be a stumbling block, but his thoughtlife is not my responsibility anymore. How we dress ourselves, how we look at ourselves-how I am at work, I have noticed is all about how a man has set up the workplace. Project oriented. Results oriented. Even in Church ministry. A need? Yes. But what about people oriented? What about person centered and nurturing?

I will be fascinated to see and hope more work will be done in this area. I see wonderful "new Feminist" trend and with TOB and PFrancis I have great hope.

Re: Dr. Allender on abuse and recovery

Aug. 22 at 4:14pm | see this comment in context

WOW! Wow, I signed up just so I could comment on this video. Wow, profound and beautiful. So much to absorb.

What I most personally responded to was that of female sexuality and how it has been dictated by men and the male view of sexuality. I can't even begin to tell you how glad I was to hear him say that. Things like "modesty" in the Catholic church are seen as a women's problem. If only women would dress better, I wouldn't sin. Modesty is a man and women's issues to deal with. The words he said were powerful. I have never heard someone discuss it so wonderfully and plainly. I don't think we can separate ourselves from those who are more overly abused because our gender is so deep to who we are that any demeaning of who we are as men or women is abuse. Thank you for posting. I hope more comments come. Important topic.

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