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Oct. 16, 2011, at 12:01am
In a book on hospice care for the dying called Final Journeys, I came across these lines:
When I first meet people who are adjusting to a terminal diagnosis, I never try to diminish their emotions. “Yes, this is terrible news and it’s very, very sad,” I say. “You don’t need to make excuses for the way you feel. You have a right to feel this way.” These words identify and recognize the struggle the dying person and family are going through. Validation is one of the first and most important tools for opening a different door. [Emphasis added.]
It struck me as a true and beautiful insight, and a typically modern one. It reflects the “turn toward subjectivity” that is a major hallmark of our …
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Well...I think it must have been somebody else. It sounds like a different style than my mother's. Also, my mother read the piece and thanked me for "making up all those nice virtues" for her. It is true that my father would make pizza every Sunday night, so she didn't actually make a home-cooked meal every single day for fifty years, but the pizza had starch, vegetables and meat on it, so I figure that falls under poetic license.
She did respect us all as persons in a way I gradually realized was very unusual. I had friends whose parents let them express their freedom any way they wanted, because (in some ways) that was simpler for the grownups. I had other friends whose parents believed in objective right and wrong but micromanaged their lives and tastes down to the last detail. I'm sure my mother would disagree, but I think she managed a good balancing act.
May. 15 at 7:22pm | See in context